On Valentine's day, I watched you and wondered how it was I was still so happy.
I realized I don't really care that you don't love me back, I'm just so content with
the thought that you're safe and that you don't need my love to survive.
I appreciate the need for human interaction, and I love that one day a year we
celebrate couples because some of us just can' tmkae it there...
But best of all.... I love nothing more than to smile at everyone being so happy...
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
I'm sorry
I'm sorry but I cannot change your life.
I can watch as the clouds roll in and give me the opportunity to watch you change from the serious cold jerk, to the incredible smiling joy.
I can glance over carefully when I see you on my way to class, and I can stare when you finally walk passed.
All of this, only to know that you're happy. And if that's all I crave, I can't help but wonder...
what is it that attracted me to you in the first place?
It clearly wasn't the dazzling smile I see only when you're with her.
I'm not shallow enough to base it entirely off looks, though it doesn't hurt.
I can't allow myself to place it on your physical abilities, though I strive to have half of what you've already obtained.
I guess I'm just confused, how could all these things combine to form one person?
And then I remember, it doesn't matter, because she already makes you happy.
I can watch as the clouds roll in and give me the opportunity to watch you change from the serious cold jerk, to the incredible smiling joy.
I can glance over carefully when I see you on my way to class, and I can stare when you finally walk passed.
All of this, only to know that you're happy. And if that's all I crave, I can't help but wonder...
what is it that attracted me to you in the first place?
It clearly wasn't the dazzling smile I see only when you're with her.
I'm not shallow enough to base it entirely off looks, though it doesn't hurt.
I can't allow myself to place it on your physical abilities, though I strive to have half of what you've already obtained.
I guess I'm just confused, how could all these things combine to form one person?
And then I remember, it doesn't matter, because she already makes you happy.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
A Song Only My Piano Knows
I sometimes wonder what it will take to be free. Do I have to bang my head against the piano to get it right?
What am I supposed to do in order to figure out what I can do?
How am I supposed to show that what I have so far is not nearly as amazing as what I'm exposed to.
Is this what parents mean to do by sending us off to lesson? Show us what we should be, only to have us crack under the pressure?
When am I going to gain the song writing skills of the greats?
The answer once against is never. Much like the unrequited love, it's just another thing I can never have.
So the answer honestly becomes we can never get what it is we want, no matter what.
I will not be defined by my inept skills at the things I work at, instead I will be defined by what I can comprehend.
What am I supposed to do in order to figure out what I can do?
How am I supposed to show that what I have so far is not nearly as amazing as what I'm exposed to.
Is this what parents mean to do by sending us off to lesson? Show us what we should be, only to have us crack under the pressure?
When am I going to gain the song writing skills of the greats?
The answer once against is never. Much like the unrequited love, it's just another thing I can never have.
So the answer honestly becomes we can never get what it is we want, no matter what.
I will not be defined by my inept skills at the things I work at, instead I will be defined by what I can comprehend.
Unrequited Love
When your love is unrequited, nothing hurts more. But at the same time we thrive on it. We wait pateinetly for the object of our affections to see us, though they never do.
We put ourselves in situations to get hurt, all to see if they come to our rescue, but lesson learned, they never do.
I don't understand what it is we see in this kind of relationship.
The ones where the minute we see him, or her, we drop everything, staring idly as the pass by, while awkward looks are recieved from those walking by at the same time. These are the ones who we would do anything for, to the point where we drive ourselves insane.
What is it we're looking for? A challenge? An accomplishment? An opportunity? Whatever it is, we never do find it, and though I know I'll continue to seek it out. The buck stops here.
I will not be defined by the way I look at him, but by the way he stares at the ground, stares passed me, and holds hands with his true love.
What defines you?
We put ourselves in situations to get hurt, all to see if they come to our rescue, but lesson learned, they never do.
I don't understand what it is we see in this kind of relationship.
The ones where the minute we see him, or her, we drop everything, staring idly as the pass by, while awkward looks are recieved from those walking by at the same time. These are the ones who we would do anything for, to the point where we drive ourselves insane.
What is it we're looking for? A challenge? An accomplishment? An opportunity? Whatever it is, we never do find it, and though I know I'll continue to seek it out. The buck stops here.
I will not be defined by the way I look at him, but by the way he stares at the ground, stares passed me, and holds hands with his true love.
What defines you?
Differences
It seems an unfair advantage that we have heterozygous, while here I sit, a completely recessive child.
Don't understand? You haven't taken AP Bio with Mr. Hunt. Don't care? Then quite honestly you've achieved a freedom I would beg for.
But the honesty in my words is disturbing. I can not keep living in a world where my difference in preference is constantly ignored or looked down upon.
I can be perfectly at home with my asian friends, though I may be the only white blonde there.
I don't understand society's fixation with race, but it is impossible to say it is not there.
I will not be defined by my preference, but instead by my choice of friends and the love I share for them.
What defines you?
Don't understand? You haven't taken AP Bio with Mr. Hunt. Don't care? Then quite honestly you've achieved a freedom I would beg for.
But the honesty in my words is disturbing. I can not keep living in a world where my difference in preference is constantly ignored or looked down upon.
I can be perfectly at home with my asian friends, though I may be the only white blonde there.
I don't understand society's fixation with race, but it is impossible to say it is not there.
I will not be defined by my preference, but instead by my choice of friends and the love I share for them.
What defines you?
What the Parents Say
We know that parents say I love you, but when you do well, it seems they mean it more.
The truth is, they do always love you, but not the same undying devotion we often feel for them.
For me, it a math quiz, a bio quiz and then I'm rewarded with the affections I'd been searching for.
It's a seemingly tedious task that places me in a constant predicament. At what point do I give up?
When do I tell my parents enough is enough and stop searching to be loved?
I stand that I am no longer defined by the limited number of "I love you's" I recieve, but defined by intelligence that I obtain.
What defines you?
The truth is, they do always love you, but not the same undying devotion we often feel for them.
For me, it a math quiz, a bio quiz and then I'm rewarded with the affections I'd been searching for.
It's a seemingly tedious task that places me in a constant predicament. At what point do I give up?
When do I tell my parents enough is enough and stop searching to be loved?
I stand that I am no longer defined by the limited number of "I love you's" I recieve, but defined by intelligence that I obtain.
What defines you?
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